Couples
Therapy
Couples therapy is about helping to clearly understand and separate the issues of the past from what needs to be solved today.
Relationships are complex spaces where several layers of reality coexist: we find not only current events that are part of the life of the couple, but also a huge amount of past conditioning of both partners.
There are unconscious patterns of family relationship dynamics, learned during early childhood, as well as unresolved issues from previous partners, outstanding issues of childhood and adolescence, and epigenetically transmitted intergenerational and transgenerational inherited trauma. Yet, most of us treat conflicts that arise in relationships as if they are related just to what happens today. Therefore, very often, the problems are not easily resolved.
In that sense, working with a perspective of complexity gives us an advantageous lens over other approaches to couple’s therapy.
The fundamental intention of couple’s work is then to support the couple in understanding clearly and separate the issues of the past that they need to resolve today to effectively deal with what does belong in the present relationship, and effectively address the emotional conditioning which each member brings, and which has to do with previous dynamics that have not been resolved.
We also seek to support the couple in communicating effectively, in a respectful and authentic way, taking care of their bond and each other also, to achieve the highest possible wellbeing for both members of the couple, and the couple itself. Therefore, in our approach we work both with the couple in joint sessions, as well as individually with each member.
Which is your case?
If both partners want to work to stay together, meet their difficulties in the best way possible and grow the relationship, we establish together what issues are most relevant for them and explore relational dynamics, past conditioning and communication patterns that are preventing them from achieving their goals. We also explore the resources they already bring to the table with them to see how they can make use of them in a more effective way. We help them get clarity on what is getting in the way of their connection, as well as increase their capacity to face their issues together, as a team. We work to support the couple to resolve their differences and be able not only to continue how they have been, but to rekindle their love, grow and flourish together.
If the couple has clarity that they want to separate, the work goes in the sense of creating a base of healthy communication and respect for carrying out the dissolution process. This process is always complex and an important part of the job is to help the couple to process the grief and anger in a healthy way through communication, compassion, respect and responsibility.
In the event of disparity between the partners in the degree of commitment to the relationship (a member wants to stay together and the other is not sure), we explore individually and jointly whether it is possible or desirable to resume the link and repair the relationship, or if rather what is authentic for the couple is to dissolve the link in the most caring way possible. We take the time necessary to achieve clarity on the matter, as there is usually not a simple decision. Having determined this, we proceed to support the couple to achieve a caring separation.
If a couple who comes in questions whether it is best to stay together or separate, we make it clear that we do not consider it our place to determine whether they should stay together or not. We believe that each partner has the right to determine whether s/he wants to keep the relationship and work to address the difficulties in their path, or if what the person needs is to dissolve the relationship in the most respectful and healthy as possible after giving their all (whatever that might look like for each person) in trying to make things work. Our commitment is to not ignore any of the members and take care of the relational space, supporting them to build the best possible relationship between them, be it as a couple or not, and to help them find their own clarity. One premise we do believe in, is that one cannot leave a relationship with someone one loves, unless one is clear there is nothing else that can be done.
Couples sessions are 1 hour 30 minutes, and the fee is $ 225 USD. For information on adjustments to our fee (we offer a sliding scale), please let us know when you contact us.
Testimonials for Couple Therapy
“[Beside individual work,] I also started to do couples work with Laura and her skill in working with couples is amazing. She is able to attune to both sides and work with each individual to the level that they are capable of while attempting and succeeding to bring clarity to the true issues the relationship is facing. I am very grateful to do couples work with Laura and feel hopeful for my partner and myself in a way I did not before we started to work with her.
I would recommend Laura to anyone that seeks to do deeper work and is ready to take responsibility for their own healing process. Laura brings a great combination of clinical sharpness and an open heart and is able to hold people where they need to be held, so they can explore themselves, grow and heal in a safe space.”
Sudha Faraday, LMFT
“Since working with Laura, the situation in our relationship got much smoother. We have a deeper understanding for each other, see and respect the others difficulties, and are more careful in our togetherness. Much of our tensions and childhood based traumas are more integrated and we are relating from a more adult and mature place rather than reacting out of old patterns. We have a smoother relating now, it’s more relaxed and understanding, more loving and alive. WE discover each other newly.
What helped me the most was seeing my misunderstanding, misinterpretations and projections in connection to my partner that made my life hard. And healing old family stories that were influencing my behaviour in my relationship. Both of us went through a powerful process of healing, empowerment and change. Finding new ways to express myself in a relaxed way with integrity and putting healthy boundaries was an important step too.
Laura is an incredibly gifted therapist, very skilled, super trained, very knowledgeable, empathic, warm-hearted and spiritual too. She is simply a wonderful person. In the couple work I experience Laura as very fair, unprejudiced and securely navigating when the situation seems hopelessly entangled or very emotional.
Because Laura has such an extensive training and great skills I recommend this therapy to pretty much everybody, singles and couples who have issues in their life they are struggling with. She meets you where ever you are and can assist you to healing and integration. I recommended Laura already to many friends and the are all very glad about it.”
Raaji Dessena, group facilitator
Contact Us
If you are interested in our therapeutic services for couples.